Before Him Comes Me Read online

  Even the noisy seagulls screeching on the beach add to the overwhelming beauty. Moments like these leave Zara wishing she could paint or draw to capture the view forever. Turning to abandon this prized spot, Zara squeezes back through the opening in the glass door.

  Built-in shelves on either side of the big white bed hold knick-knacks with a beach theme. Zara walks to two doors standing closed side-by-side at the other end of the room. Opening the door on the right, she discovers the biggest bathroom she has ever seen.

  At the end of the long narrow room sits an immense bathtub graced by a picture window providing another view of the beach. To the side is a shower encased in glass with built-in shelves stocked with a variety of products.

  After several moments spent figuring out the shower, steam begins to fill the glass space. Zara begins to remove her clothes from the night before. Spinning around in her half-naked state, she opens the shower door to get a closer look at the products arranged in the shower. Once again her favorite body soap, peppermint Dr. Bronner’s, has a place of pride. Zara looks closely and finds the men’s razor that she has switched to recently after reading about it in a magazine.

  “How?” slips out of Zara’s mouth.

  Pushing down the questions scurrying around in her mind, Zara steps into the shower under the rainwater spout. Head back and eyes closed, the water washes over her and clears away her thoughts. Breathing deeply for a few minutes, she feels her shoulders lower to a more relaxed position.

  Reaching for her favorite shampoo, Zara opens the lid and takes a big sniff. Pouring more into her hand than she actually needs, she begins washing her hair.

  The practice of clearing her mind is not working and thoughts of Garrett are front and center. His hair. His eyes.

  Zara, this is the first step to you experiencing life on your own terms. Trust me.

  Picking up a sponge and applying the peppermint soap, she suds it up to an aromatic lather. Zara drags the sponge up her arm and over her shoulder, leaving a trail of lather resembling the froth of the waves as they cascade onto the beach.

  The contact of the sponge with her left breast sends a bolt of sensation through her entire body. Both nipples harden and immediately Garrett invades her thoughts. Covered with thick lather, Zara uses her free hand to caress the soap into small circles over her hard nipples.

  A vision of Garrett running his tongue over his lips after taking a sip of a drink plays on repeat in her head. Zara’s eyes close as her fingers go from a gentle caress to lightly tugging on a nipple. The sensation feels so good she drops the sponge back into the basket to free her other hand. Repeating the action of gently caressing her breasts, her eyes close and her head goes back rinsing away the conditioner in her hair and the thick coat of lather covering the top half of her body.

  The image shifts to Garrett’s hands kneading her breasts. The strong hands that helped her up and led her out of the Ceremonial Circle–

  Zara’s eyes fly open. The sexual thoughts are replaced with an overwhelming sense of guilt. She had one job to do in her family. One role to fulfill. She failed.

  Zara steps directly under the stream of water to wash the tears away with the soap. Taking a deep breath, she attempts again to clear her thoughts.

  Wrapped in a towel, Zara works through the rest of her morning routine without entertaining further thoughts of Garrett. Opening the drawer under the sink, she finds the ‘wet hair’ comb and leave-in conditioner and as she opens the door to the bedroom, the smell of coffee hurries her along.

  On top of the dresser, Zara finds the three hair ties that she and Sloane made resting on three smooth stones. Wonderingly, she opens the top drawer of the dresser. Neatly folded in sets are several new bras and panties on the left and there are two rolls of Zara’s old bra and panty sets on the right. Shifting through the items, it is apparent that only her favorites were brought. Grabbing the green and white set, Zara holds them to her chest.

  No tears, Zar. None.

  Pulling out each of the drawers, she finds the same arrangement continues. New shorts and tee shirts, sleep clothes, bathing suits and jeans on the left and one or two of Zara’s favorite pieces on the right.

  Putting the green and white panties set back where they were, Zara selects a new green and white polka dot bikini. In the bathroom she finds the suit fits a bit small in every way and a smile creeps over her face seeing herself in the sexy bathing suit from every angle.

  After pulling on perfectly sized black yoga shorts and a pink tee from the left side of the drawer, Zara puts her hair up in the hair tie from last night.

  Looking for shoes, she opens the door next to the bathroom and finds more clothes hanging up along with several pairs of shoes. Pulling out a pair of black flip-flops, Zara stops to admire a pair of black pumps with red soles. They are one incredibly sexy pair of shoes. Setting them back on the shelf, she wonders briefly where she would ever wear such shoes.

  After making the bed and hanging up the towel, Zara makes her way down a bright hallway in search of the coffee that seems to be mocking her. The sound of her flip-flops on the wood floor takes her back to her parents’ house.

  How many punishments had there been for running through the house in flip-flops? Way too many.

  Father did not like noise in the house and over the years, the house got quieter and quieter. With her bedroom right next to her parents, there was no escaping the mandate of quietude. Sloane’s father had the same aversion to noise. Since the two of them took turns staying at one another’s home, near silence was the norm. Bending to remove her flip-flops, Zara stops at the entry to the main living quarters. This entire side of the house is made of glass with an unobstructed view of the beach and water.

  One step down and Zara finds herself in an expansive room. A light grey sectional sofa big enough for two people to lay side-by-side graces the center. Two chairs sit near it, their backs to the water. Modern in design, the muted colors allow one’s eyes to gravitate to the real feature of the room, the water outside.

  “Good morning, Zara,” a gravelly woman’s voice startles Zara into dropping her flip-flops. “I’m sorry, child. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “No. I am sorry.”

  Bending to pick up the shoes, Zara makes her way to the short round woman standing in the kitchen. Squaring the shoes up on the floor in the corner as far out of the way as possible, she moves quickly the rest of the way to properly introduce herself.

  Extending her hand to the smiling older woman, she murmurs, “Good morning, I am Zara. Please forgive me for making so much noise.”

  The woman stares into Zara’s eyes as if trying to read any secrets she is keeping.

  “You’re lovelier than your photographs. You look simply adorable in that tee shirt. I will have to tell Viv to get more in that style. And you certainly made no noise, girl. I know where Garrett and Warren are in the house at all times.

  “I bet you’re ready for some coffee. Sit… sit and I will bring you a cup. It’s a fresh pot. I am glad you slept in. Yesterday must have taken everything out of you.”

  Zara’s eyes must have gotten big before she could catch herself.

  “Oh, yes, I know all about your decision to break the Circle. That was a very courageous decision you made. You are much stronger than you know. Hang on to that knowledge.”

  The woman sets a large coffee cup on the table in front of Zara. Before she can ask, a tiny plate with Splenda and a pitcher of ‘Half & Half’ is slipped beside it.

  “Thank you. May I ask… how do you know how I take my coffee?” Zara asks in an almost whisper. Raised to never ask questions, she remembers herself and places her hands on her lap. Zara lowers her eyes and begins to blank her mind with a breathing technique bracing for whatever manner of punishment is to come as an official reminder.

  “Relax, child. In any Dawson house, you are free to ask questions. Encouraged, actually. I have been with the family for over twenty years. The Dawson family has eve
n been known to enjoy a heated debate from time to time.”

  “Been with–”

  “Oh drat. Zara, I have been going off at the mouth. Forgive me, child.” Sliding into the seat across from Zara, a standard coffee cup in hand, the woman takes a deep breath.

  “I’m Trudy. I am the Dawson’s family housekeeper. Well, I’m getting up there in my years so now I take care of running the houses and cooking mostly. Normally, I would be traveling with Warren and Charlotte but this was a big event for Garrett and I wanted to be here for him.

  “We didn’t know what you would decide to do so I decided to stay here and get everything situated for your arrival. Garrett told me how you like your coffee and that you are a bit of a coffee addict. I cannot have any coffee after noon or it keeps me up half the night.”

  “Garrett told you how I like my coffee? I don’t understand. Why would he tell you that and how would he know?”

  Trudy’s smile lights her face as Zara finishes her questions.

  “Child, Garrett has told me many things about you. All of your regular products and favorite foods. Anything that would help make your time with us more enjoyable. As for how he knows, well, that’s a question for you to ask Garrett.”

  The look on Zara’s face conveyed the question that she had been thinking non-stop since opening her eyes and Trudy rushed to answer. “He wanted you to be able to wake up and have a bit of time to yourself. We can’t begin to imagine how exhausting yesterday was for you.”

  Getting up from her seat, Trudy moves at a slow but steady pace. Opening the refrigerator and pulling out a few items, she sets them out on the table. Zara stares at them without a word. In front of her sits her favorite recharge breakfast, each item neatly displayed on plates matching the one that was now holding two less Splenda packets.

  Reaching for the utensils wrapped in a cloth napkin, Zara looks up to see Trudy staring back at her. A blush spreads over her face.

  “Oh, now, enjoy your breakfast. Garrett went to run some errands.” Looking at her watch, she continues, “He will be back in two hours. I am going to let you eat in peace. I have some calls to make. If you need anything, just pick up any phone and dial 11. That will ring me directly. To dial out, hit 7 and then the number.

  “There is a Kindle connected to the Wi-Fi in the drawer of the nightstand in your room. The beach is always nice and it is private so you don’t have to be concerned with anyone bothering you. The water is not really warm because we had a violently cold winter. Next to the door leading out to the beach, you will find a closet with beach towels, chairs, umbrellas, radio… basically anything you need for the beach.

  “I would imagine you have a lot going on in your thoughts. Maybe even having trouble clearing your mind.” The utter shock of her statement is obvious and Zara’s reaction makes her chuckle. “Oh yes, Child. I was owned. My Master passed on twenty years ago. Warren Dawson was a student of my Master and took me in after. But that is a story for another day. My point, Zara, is that if you need to talk, I’m available. Your openness is safe with me.”

  With that, Trudy stands up again and places her cup on the counter next to the sink. “Leave your dishes by mine. That is an order, Child.”

  “Yes, Ma’am. Thank you.”

  “Zara, Garrett is a good man. He wants to ensure that you are comfortable and happy. He will never admit it, but he is as nervous as you are for what will happen next. Never doubt that, Child.”

  With a small nod, Trudy shuffles out. Halfway through the living room, she turns back. “One thing that I don’t know about you is what type of music you enjoy. Would you like me to put on anything in particular?”

  “I am… I am not familiar with much music. I would not want to disturb anyone.”

  “First of all, it’s only you and I here at the moment and I will not be bothered by music playing. Garrett and his parents always have music blaring through the house. Any special requests? Rock? Country? Jazz? Classical?” She had returned to the opening of the kitchen and stood staring at Zara expectantly.

  “I am sorry. I am truly not familiar with music. My parents did not like noise in the house so I never listened to it. But thank you.” Zara stirred her oatmeal-on-the-go wondering why it tasted so much better than when she made it.

  “Well, Child, it’s time for you to get to know music. I will put on some classical and leave you to your breakfast. Remember, Zara, you can get me at 11. Any phone will connect us.”

  Without further ado, Trudy goes to a panel on the wall at the opening of the hallway, punches a few buttons and sounds of a piano concerto flood the kitchen. Suddenly caught up in the music, Zara fails to see Trudy leave.

  Starting off softly, the concerto rises to a level that would send her father over the edge with anger. Without using any of the techniques from her training to clear her mind, all thoughts that are pushing for attention slip away as the music soars, each note so strong and confident in its placement with the others.

  Zara sits staring out at the water, allowing the piano to transport her to another place. Before she knows it, tears are coursing down her cheeks, distorting the view of the moving water. The tears do not fall because of upsetting thoughts. As the song reaches its crescendo she realizes it is the music that brought them. Using the napkin to wipe them away, Zara finds her mind is clear.

  As the piece ends and the next begins, Zara remains, still allowing the music to penetrate through her. Closing her eyes, she locks the moment into her memory knowing the peacefulness of this moment will be useful later as a technique to block out pain or discomfort.

  As another piece ends, the task of searing the combination of the music and the movement of the water deep inside her draws her back to her surroundings. She realizes her coffee is cold and her breakfast barely touched.

  She does not waste any more time. She finishes her breakfast and coffee and rinses the dishes, leaving them in the sink as ordered. On the counter, a travel mug sits under the open Keurig. Its blue light flashes to indicate the coffee is loaded and ready to be started.

  Upon hitting the button to brew, the aroma of freshly brewed coffee puts a smile on Zara’s face. She is ready to go explore the beach with a travel mug filled with doctored coffee in a matter of minutes.

  Slipping into flip-flops and heading out the door, her only regret is leaving the piano music that has already found a place in her heart. Closing the door behind her, the sound of music is replaced by the sounds of the beach.

  Chapter 5

  Treading down a few stairs, Zara leaves the flip-flops on the bottom step and enjoys her first walk on warm sand. The sand slides underfoot with each step, but her single goal is to get to the water that spans as far as she can see.

  The sand at the water’s edge is packed tighter and takes less effort to move. The water glides over the packed sand and a white froth is left behind as the waves recede back into the lake. Zara walks into the surf but stops abruptly as cool water submerges her feet, dancing back out of the reach of the oncoming waves.

  Zara stands still to take in the magnitude of the view. Seagulls fly overhead but do not stop to explore. With one deep breath, Zara walks into the water up to her calves. A sandy bottom is visible through the water and a small amount of seaweed floats in the water but not close to where Zara is standing. She feels the sand moving out from under her feet from the constant draw of the undertow. Two yards from the shore it takes effort to remain standing and Zara slowly makes her way back to the beach, each step a mini battle to beat the sand working against her.

  Once she reaches the sand at the shoreline, Zara takes a deep breath releasing the tension in her shoulders, realizing she had more concern about making it back to the beach than even she was aware of.

  Zara sits on the dry sand just past the shoreline traveled by each wave. Warm to the touch, the sand is soft and conforms to her body. Knees drawn up to her chest, Zara closes her eyes to enjoy the sound of the water crashing against anything in its way.
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br />   The rhythmic pattern of the water over the sand blends with the warmth of the sun and lures her into a deep sense of relaxation.

  Looking over the water, Zara spots a boat coming from the right side of the horizon. She watches it move across the water. It is a large boat with sails and she can see several people onboard. The muffled sounds of music dance over the water to where Zara sits.

  With time and space to muse, questions return front and center in her mind.

  Why did Garrett offer me this out? How did he get all of my belongings here? Why would he risk his position in the Community to do this? What is going to happen in the future?

  Garrett had given her an out and as much as she appreciated the gift, self-doubt bubbled up from her choice. Her entire existence had revolved around being collared and making the best submissive wife to whichever Dom her father picked out. She could not help thinking, once again, how she had failed in epic proportions.

  What is my father thinking of me?

  Zara recalls that there had been something in her mother’s eyes when Zara stood up holding Garrett’s hand, but she had not been able to convey her thoughts before being ordered to assume the position. It had left Zara with a feeling of emptiness.

  And what about Fredrik?

  “Fredrik! Oh No!”

  She gasps, sobbing and choking for air. For the first time since walking down the ceremonial path, Zara thinks of her younger brother. She had not even looked for him when she left with Garrett. The single most important person in her life and she did not say goodbye. Racking cries shake her body.

  Oblivious in her grief, Zara does not hear Garrett approach. She only becomes aware of him when he gently lifts her into his arms and sits, holding her as she sobs. Zara presses into his body sobbing violently while Garrett rubs her back. Zara’s tears stop falling as her breathing turns soft and steady and she feels exhaustion overtaking her.

  Water.

  The sound of waves crashing on the beach draws Zara from sleep. It is loud, almost as if she is lying on the beach right next to the waves. Opening her eyes, she finds she is in a darkened room. Running her fingers over the sheets and under the pillow it is clear this is not the bed she awoke in this morning. The feeling of missing her brother engulfs her again and the tears fall freely. Hearing the swish of footsteps approach the bed, Zara fights to stop the tears, only making the crying harder. Garrett stands at the side of the bed and gathers her into his arms.